Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
My parents and I got into an argument tonight. This is how arguments happen in our household.
- Me: I took Bug (my little brother) on a drive tonight to calm him down and help him sleep
- Mom: Aww honey that's so sweet
- Me: Yeah we got totally lost
- Dad: Of course you did
- Me: Yeah up in the back woods
- Mom: Oh that's scary
- Me: Yeah, so it's like dark and in the middle of the woods so I stop the car-
- Dad: YOU WHAT!?
- Me: I stopped the car?
- Dad: WHAT WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
- Me: We were lost..
- Dad: HAVE WE TAUGHT YOU NOTHING!?
- Mom: HOW- WHY WOULD YOU-
- Mom: DO YOU WANT TO BE THE FIRST 5 MINUTES OF SUPERNATURAL
- Me:
- Dad:
- Me:
- Dad: Of course she does, then those giant men in plaid will show up to save the day. Good job Kat, this is why our daughter is a dumbass.
my friend was debating on whether or not he wanted to drink tonight so he texted me “to drink or not to drink” and i text bombed him back the rest of hamlet’s soliloquy and now he’s not answering me
he texted me back and said “that was amazing i’m going to drink to that” so long story short hamlet caused alcoholism to happen tonight
but-the-universe-doesnt-agree:
Greatest plot twist to Monster’s Inc.
oh my god you know what i just realized? all of the doors in monster’s inc. are “bigger on the inside”. so if any of the monsters went through this door they wouldn’t think anything of it. and the doctor would be standing there, smiling, waiting for them to say it, but of course it would make no difference to them.
(via neon-bats)
So let me get this straight:
People are boycotting Kraft just because of this one ad
yet
no one
sees
a
problem
with
these ones?
Gender and Sexuality Terminology:
Can’t believe someone made this. It’s awesome! :D
(via cadewuver)
An Atheist and a Christian sit down at a bar. They both knock back a few drinks and enjoy each others company because they aren’t pretentious assholes.
(via the-trench-coat-fandom)
Mona Lecter | Will With the Pearl Earring | American Gothic - The Cannibal and his Wife
GUYS WE AREN’T EVEN ON HIATUS YET
(via deduction-to-seduction)
